Cop Ejaculates On Motorist, Not Guilty Because “She Was Asking For It”

On-duty Irvine Police Officer David Alex Park was found not guilty on three felony charges by a jury of 11 men and one woman on Feb 2. Apparently, this fine upstanding member of the community pulled the stripper over on her way home from work, pulled out his Justice Stick, made her give him a handjob, busted his nut on her sweater, fingered her vagina, and fondled her breasts. She sued in civil court, and the PD settled for $400,000. But, as always, in criminal court, the officer was found not guilty, because cops cannnot be held legally liable for breaking the laws the are paid to enforce. Don’t you people read the Constitution?

Felony Charge For Not Setting Off Fire Alarm

Once again, the brave men and women in blue have narrowly averted a disaster, and kept a dangerous felon off the streets. Several months ago, young Casey Harmeier pulled a fire alarm, on a dare by a classmate. The principal called the police, who were so angered at being pulled away from their doughnuts that they arrested the child and charged him with a felony. However, it turns out that fire alarm logs show that the boy did not actually set off the alarm when he pulled the lever. The lever is attached to a loud siren, used to scare pranksters. Instead, a teacher accidentally set off the real fire alarm, while trying to disarm the siren. The prosecutor knows this, but she’s charging the child anyway.

Way to go, guys.  I feel safer already.

“A Line Of Excuses”

Kansas City, MO – This is the heartwarming story of Officers Melody Spencer and Kevin Schnell, who apprehended dangerous career criminal Sofia Salva, after seeing her “affix a fake temporary tag on her car’s back windshield”. When she was pulled over, she was arrested for “outstanding city warrants for mistreatment of children, trespassing, driving while suspended and other traffic violations”. In the videotaped confrontation, she can be seen attempting to convince the fine officers that she was three months pregnant, bleeding severely, and needed medical treatment, but veteran officers Spencer and Schnell know a con-job when they hear it; as Officer Schnell said, “She just gave me a line of excuses”. “I’m bleeding. I swear to my God,” Salva says. Schnell replies: “I don’t doubt that you’re possibly bleeding, but you got a lot more problems with us.” Salva says she continued to plead for help at the jail but still was ignored. The next morning, jailers let her go to a hospital after she passed a large blood clot. After she was released, she delivered a premature baby boy who died a minute after birth.

Well done, Officers, well done. We’ll all sleep better tonight, knowing that a dangerous felon was “nipped in the bud”, so to speak.

Hello world!

Welcome to Donuts and Steroids. This weblog is merely my attempt to collect stories about the wonderful men and women who Protect and Serve our society. Without them, chaos would surely reign supreme, and criminals would walk the streets.